Today is henna day, so I'm stuck in the house with a thick brown paste plastered to my head for the next 1 1/2 hours (I've already passed 5 of them). Just me, myself and my thoughts - which I'm not doing a very good job of keeping track of. Perhaps spending so much time alone, doing not much of anything makes it hard focus. But anyways, my thoughts are all over the place today. I need to write and have spent the last few hours trying to decided what to write on and have finally drawn the conclusion that this afternoon's post will be a brainstorm of sorts. So here is me, streaming my consciousness....
I've been reading up on my natural hair blogs (there are some great one's out there) and it makes me proud to be one of the brave few. I'm hopelessly lazy with my hair though, so I think my 2010 New Year's resolution will be to learn more about caring for it. My hair is aight now, but it could be magnificent with a little more TLC...
Moving on...
Relationship games. I don't like them. Hate them actually. But if you don't play are you just, in essence, benching yourself in a game that you have no choice but to participate in? Why can't we all just be up front and honest? Why can't we just say what we mean, mean what we say, and ask what we want to know? I don't know why not. But apparently even I can't, so instead I construct a litmus test like game to determine where a certain someone stands - as to not have to ask the question (or have a discussion) outright. WTF?
Maybe (probably) games are just our way of navigating the murky waters of human relationships (particularly romantic ones) where there are so many rules and so many pre-constructed/conceived notions of gendered behavior. For example: so as not to appear clingy aka needy aka crazy I, as a woman, am wary to bring up questions that could be interpreted as wanting to define a new relationship. Supposedly compulsive relationship definition is a 'pathology' women in general are supposed to suffer from, right? In reality I know I'm not clingy, needy or crazy (quite the contrary actually) and I am pretty much okay with the non-definition that's going on and just simply want to know the answer to the question "are you into me, or not?". Why can't I just come out and ask it?
Oh, so many reasons...
1. I'm lame
2. I'm chicken and my ego is fragile
3. I don't really want to know
3. I'm afraid of being perceived as the "typical woman, always tryin' to trap a man" or otherwise overbearing or pushy because...
4. Direct woman are often misinterpreted as controlling, bitchy, dominating, etc...
5. I don't want to change the dynamics of the relationship - it's good now and a formal conversation on the matter might make it awkward
5. Games are easier and seemingly less risky
Jumping off...
I really want to find a flattering red lipstick. I'm in a red lipstick kind of mood. I wish MAC were closer, because I'd absolutely go and get a consultation today.
To me, red lipstick signals an easy and natural sensuality that I'm working on embracing. Red lipstick is less about putting things on than it is about rooting yourself in, because when you're wearing red lipstick - that should be pretty much it (on your face that is). It is simple in a way that a carefully constructed 'face' is not, yet much more assertive and much less apologetic. Bold. Daring. Classic. Feminine. Seductive. Blithe.
It's on.
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