The Natural Hair Care Routine - A work in progress...

One of my resolutions this year was to learn how to better care for my hair - and actually do it.

The routine (in theory):

Wash hair once weekly...
- LUSH's Rehab Shampoo (once a month)
- Allafia's Shea & Virgin Coconut Enriching Shampoo (sulfate free to use the remainder of the time)
- LUSH's American Cream Conditioner (for now, but I'm in search of an alternative)

In terms of styling products, I'm a fan of Kinky Curly's Curling Custard & Carol's Daughter Hair Milk

Because it's winter and my hair takes forever to air dry, I'm trying Curly Nikki's Twist-Outs. I like, but I miss my natural curls...warm weather needs to hurry it way up.

Bottom line: I love my natural hair!

What to do when silly girls are your friends

So, I've written a few blog drafts in the last 10 days, but haven't posted any. They have all just been so uninspired, it's sad really.

Anyway, here it goes:

I don't consider myself a silly girl. Sure, I have moments of silliness and/or occasional lapses in judgement, but in general I think I'm pretty damn cool. I try not to play too many games and I try to be conscious of how I am treating the people around me. I try to remember that life exists outside myself and that other people do not exist to be at my disposal, etc... So, what is a girl like me to do with silly girl friends? How am I supposed to react when they exhibit thoughtless/careless behavior that leaves me thinking "WTF?"

I'm writing this post because I don't have an answer to this question. It is really their fault that they're silly? Is it fair/okay that I judge them for their silliness? Where does the silliness stem from anyway and should I be helping them put their head on straight? Is this even a plausible undertaking? Probably not.

Thoughts?


..The Capricious Devotee..

Balance

I need to get better at making time to write, even when I don't actually have enough hours in the day. I get frustrated when I don't write - the mind get's backed up. As my schedule's changed the last couple of weeks I'm working on balancing my life as-is. I realize that I can't plan for what its going to look like two months down the road, but I do have the here and now to make the most of.

So, as I'm thinking about balancing in the present I am also thinking about balance in regard to the big picture...

While I do consider myself ambitious - I'm a go-getter, really, I am - what is most important for me in the end is finding a successful balance. Even as I look forward to accomplishing a lot professionally, my measure of success will be how aptly I am able to strike a balance between those things I love. I refuse to be consumed with one realm to the collapse (or neglect) of others. Really, how fulfilled am I going to be with a killer CV if I've failed as a mother and/or have no one to come home to in the evening and/or haven't taken care of my body and have a declining quality of life and/or haven't indulged my creative whims and/or haven't taken time to cultivate authentic relationships?

Makes sense to me, but it's been my observations that many women equate the process of finding balance or taking time out for themselves to trivial "pampering" rituals that are substantively empty. Yes, shopping and pedicures are nice (and necessary), but they cannot replace time taken out for self-exploration/evaluation. Without time with one's owns thoughts and an investment in those things that our thoughts deem important, we will remain out of touch with what out balance really looks like. Hmm....

So these are just my thoughts on the matter..on balance, that is. What does this mean for me now? Well, for starters I need to make time to get into my own head. Without regular check-ins it's like wading through a murky sludge of un-triaged thought. It's tough. I will be better.

The Five Year Plan

I started my fellowship this week, meaning it's back to the office for me. After a good six month hiatus from office life, this is going to be an re-adjustment. Goodness, I'm just not cut out for it and so...the five year plan is crucial.

Aya Consulting. Yep, I've named it already. It's going to be a firm specializing in small non-profit research and development. Performing research and finding funding for small operations that don't have the capacity to do these things effectively or efficiently on their own. Why? Well, I'm capricious (we've established that, right?) - so finding an issue or area that I'd be happy working on/in long term is pretty unlikely. Frankly, I guess I don't want to. However, I would love to be able to work on many issues and with the many individuals and groups that are doing innovative and important work around the world.

This way I would be master of my own destiny - working on my time, traveling where I wanted and choosing what I wanted to work on. Until then, I'm a cog in the machine as I pay my dues to build the experience, expertise and credentials I'm going to need.

Now I need a name for my Pilates' studio...

Substandard White Women? Not a Good Look, Brotha...

" A lot of our ire about interrcial dating is about the seemingly different standards the Black men who date other women have for them as opposed to for us. On what planet would a Black 22-year-old domestic get to marry a Stanford grad who is one of the world's most successful athletes? Or the Kendra woman from "Girls Next Door": could a Black woman jump from Hugh Hefner's bed to the altar with a handsome pro-baller? What Black female could escape a sex tape scandal only to become a telvision star with a gorgeous, succesful boyfriend? Do you see famous or successful White men rolling around town with Black women of questionable accomplishment or ill repute? This isn't just celebrity territory, I've known men who had impossible standards for the Black women they dated, only to settle for the most marginal of women when they were of another race."

Thank you Sister Toldja...

I'm not against interracial dating. Really, I'm not. There is nothing wrong with expanding your horizons, but Black men - when having a hot little not-Black something on your arm becomes so important that it means dropping all standards, we have a problem. Seriously. Eeewww...