Sunday, February 28, 2010

Just Say "No" to Friending...

I am not Facebook friends with the guy I've been dating for the last 3.5 months. I like it this way, for many reasons. Earlier today we briefly discussed, in passing, the possibility of us becoming Facebook friends...but the more I think about this, the less keen I am on it. After further reflection, I'd argue that refraining from "friending" a potential is probably one of the most savvy and radical things a dater can do here in the year 2010. Here's my argument against it:

1. A relationship that exists entirely in real-time.

I am getting to know him face-to-face and everything I am learning, I am doing so through our conversations/interactions...not Wall hearsay or tagged photos from the 11th grade. If I am curious about his favorite book, movie or quote, I have to actually ask him. This can sometimes be inconvenient, but delayed gratification builds character.

2. Facebook stalking becomes intensely difficult, if not impossible.

**I'm not necessarily saying I would ever think to do this...(cough)**

I don't need to know his every cyber-move, know which events he has RSVPd for, or view his tagged pictures from evenings out not spent together. These things are none of either of our business until they actually are (which is till TBA).

3. The whole Facebook "Relationship Status" controversy and/or awkwardness stays irrelevant.

Whoever thought of this feature apparently did not think it all the way through. Relationship status changes make for seriously uncomfortable breakups and mawkish public displays of cyber affection that we could all live without.

4.***Okay, I'll admit to this one too: So, I'm a bit of a Facebook whore.

It could be a little embarrassing for him to find out how often I update my status...I mean, I don't really care all that much. But still.

What's your take?

Monday, February 22, 2010

I Heart Amos Lee

Amos Lee is playing a show in Annapolis...and it sold out immediately. No fair. But it reminded me just how much I love Amos Lee. I always forget and then have to remember. Also, I just read a post on about White folks with Black cards and he was one of them - although I'm not convinced he's actually White. I dunno, but no matter.

If ya don't know, now you know.

Ugh...For Reals?

I've been pretty apathetic about pop culture's current events so far this year. I really don't give a damn about Tiger Woods' apology, Kate Gosslin's hair, Sarah Palin's tea party, or John Mayer's racist penis. I'm tired to talking about how Black women are problematically single and I find nothing interesting about the Winter Olympics (no Caribbean sprinters). Moreover, the political atmosphere at present makes me want convert to I have nothing to say on that matter either.

So, I guess I'll spend some time on things that actually matter...

1. Haiti
Wait, what's going on there? I've been lost in discussion on Dick Cheney's chest pains and Kim Kardashian's mystery engagement (is she not?)

2. Health Care
So, have we completely given up on a public option or has Scott Brown just killed healthcare altogether?

3. The Israeli Occupation of Palestine
No one ever wants to talk about this, obviously. But I really do need to do a better job at keeping up on what's going on there.

4. Black Unemployment
It's at effing 16.5%, but apparently this isn't a problem. WTF?

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Ode to Pilates'

I love Pilates'. It's great. I've been at it for about seven years and this month marks my two-year anniversary of teaching. I'm here at the Pilates' studio now, which is celebrating it's first birthday and thought it an appropriate time to reflect on it a bit in between clients.

Being the capricious creature I am, I have a hard time with commitment. I love commitment, in theory - but I'm easily distracted by things I find interesting...and I find pretty much everything interesting. However, every once in a while I stumble on something that I really do love - something I can stick with (I hope this is also true other areas of my life *wink*). Pilates' is one of those things.

There is something about Pilates' that is always interesting and always challenging. It is the kind of work (both as a teacher and physically, as a student) that meets me where I am. I am able to adjust my personal Pilates' work depending on how I am feeling at that moment - which suits me well.

Being able to see growth or progress is important to keeping my attention. Understanding the dynamic state of something means that the something is never really the same. With Pilates' I am always able to see my own growth - even how much stronger I am after practicing consisting for a week after a few weeks hiatus or bout of inconsistent practice. Thus, neither my practice nor my body is static.

So, I've formed a deep and lastly love affair with Pilates' and I am utterly convinced that at 75, it will still be my workout of choice...and there will still be things to learn.

Friday, February 19, 2010

On Being a PYT...

I usually date men older than myself. Not ridiculously older, but 4 to 7 years older (okay, maybe 9) is usually a good range. This is usually a good look because, at 25, I have significantly more substantive life experience than most women (and men) my age. I've lived on my own and away from family, raised a kid (this is an on-going project), gotten two degrees, etc...To boot, I'm pretty intelligent, have a above-average level of common sense and the ability to keenly interpret social cues. I know this. I am humble, but observant.**

[**I do know that because I am a woman, this will be perceived as arrogance. But is what it is]

Here's the problem with older men:
Older men tend to overlook or otherwise forget that you are actually a grown-ass woman and instead treat younger women like naive little PYTs without a clue what it's like out there in the big, bad "man's world." While I cannot argue that there are some naive little PYT's out there, it is both sexist and pompous to assume stupidity of any woman. C'mon gentlemen, we deserve at least the benefit of a doubt.

Yes, I know when you are running game. Yes, I've heard that before and no, I don't actually believe it, I'm just making you think I do. Ha, maybe I'm silent and smiling at you not because I'm dumbstruck by your superior intelligence and charm--maybe I'm laughing at you in my head. Maybe I'm not. Perhaps I'm just putting up with you when you decide to be "the boss" because I'm clever enough to know which battles are worth choosing, not because I couldn't back you down if wanted to. I could be biting my tongue because I don't want to hurt your feelings and not because I couldn't think of a good comeback. And yes, I picked up that innuendo, but I'd rather not have, so I'm ignoring it.

Etc...I will provide no more illustrations, lest I forfeit the advantageous pretense older men have afforded me.

Silly boys. I'm onto you...

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Are you Him?

This is my new approach to dating. It consists of two elements:

1. Deciding what "Him" should be. Not in a checklist kind of way, but in the sense of knowing what I'm looking for in a partner. How should I feel/What I should learn to accept/What I need to walk away from/etc...

I think I have a pretty good (but fluid) idea of what "Him" might look like. But I'm still getting to know myself as an adult, so this will be an ongoing process.

2. Being willing to ask the question "Are you Him?" without anticipation and/or fear of the answer. This means being open to new and unusual possibilities and also being at peace with closing doors.

This should be easy.


Monday, February 15, 2010

Kate Nash: "Nicest Thing"

Oh, to feel this way about someone...

Would it be good or bad? Or both?

Dreaming of Trains & Kidnapped Babies

Last night I dreamt that I was sharing a train car with a European family. It was a NYC-subway-like train car and I don't know where we were going.

Apparently I had a newborn son (specifically a son) and he was traveling with me. Somewhere during the journey I allowed the European family to hold or watch the baby and they kidnapped him.

Here began the frantic search for the baby (which was definitely mine because I was in a maternal rage). Friends and family became involved in the search that led to a large indoor playground of sorts - kind of warehousey - where I found the baby tucked away next to the European mother who was lying on a makeshift bed on the floor. The picture of this baby was very vivid. He eyes were open and he was wrapped in a blue blanket.

I remember an acute sense of relief, and then intense anger. I began screaming at the European mother and woke up right as I was about to beat the shit of out her.


To dream that you are on a train, symbolizes your life's journey. It suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed in the right direction. Alternatively, you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will prove to work out in the end.

To see a baby in your dream, signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings. Babies symbolize something in your own inner nature that is pure, vulnerable, helpless and/or uncorrupted.

To dream that someone has been kidnapped, indicates that you are not letting aspects and characteristics of that person be expressed within you. You are trying to contain and/or suppress those qualities of the kidnapped person.

To dream that you are searching for something, signifies the need to find something that is missing or needed in your life. You may be searching for love, spiritual enlightenment, peace or even a solution to a problem.

To dream that you find someone, indicates that you are identifying new facets of a relationship. You may be taking the relationship to a new level and/or direction

To see a foreigner in your dream, represents an aspect of yourself that is unfamiliar or strange to you. You may be neglecting or ignoring some important feelings or talents.

To dream that you or someone is yelling, represents repressed anger that need to be expressed.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Yes Please: The Fascinator

Oh my. I love this hat. I love the veil. I think I could pull it off. Yeah?


Rachael Yamagata: "Elephants"

I first heard this song a few months ago but never took the time to really listen to it. It came up on my Pandora station over the weekend and has seriously rocked my world. The music, Yamagata's voice, and the lyrics to this song are so simple - but the essence is so profound. She reminds us, me in particular, that love should be kind.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

The Unloveable Self

I just assigned a friend the exercise of writing down three nice things about herself daily, before she does anything else. See, it is easy to love good things; it is easy to love those things that we can makes pros and cons lists of in which the pros blow the cons out of the water. It is easy to love things that are lovable. Thus, the assignment is one of creating a perception of self that is just this, lovable.

While I wouldn't argue with the idea that women generally have a tougher time with this than men, the Unloveable Self is not gender specific. It is about being human in a world that seems to require super-humanity. It is about a finite, yet fluid, set of standards about our minds, our bodies and our souls that makes living with ourselves a crusade against ourselves. It is about our perceptions of others - our comparisons - that make us unable to see ourselves for what we really are.

The Unlovable Self is positioned to be the scapegoat for why things don't go the way we want them to. It is because we are too dumb, too ugly, too fat, too needy that we haven't found what we are looking for. The Unlovable Self is dangerous because it is paralyzing. It kills our imaginations by setting those things in our life that we don't like in stone, making us unable to envision life any better. But the one thing we should be protecting is our imagination as it allows us to understand ourselves in the 'here and now' and see the potential for greatness there.

So, let's do ourselves a favor. Let's make ourself easier to love. Let's feed that imagination. Three nice things...

Here are mine for today:

1. I am a genuine and caring person

2. I am a keeper of my word

3. I look damn good in these jeans ;-)

..The Capricious Devotee..

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

4 Steps to Neurosis-Free Living....Ha!!!

I used to pride myself on not being neurotic, but newsflash - I can be neurotic. This is not a good look, I know. So I'm taking steps to remedy this situation.

Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Remembering that not everyone thinks/feels/exists in the ways that I do. Projecting myself onto other people will never be helpful

2. Allowing situations and/or relationships to be what they are..."It is what it is" - recite and repeat

3. Not letting my imagination get the best of me, even if it is only for the moment.

*Side Note: So, I have a wild imagination. I blame it on my love of fiction and my mother's hippie-esque position on cable television. Alas, I grew up on PBS, Little House on the Prairie and lots and lots of books. My imagination reflects this and I can sometimes get a little carried away. While this mental voyage through lala land is always short lived, in the moment it can seem like either the sky is falling or expanding to unreasonable heights. So maybe learning to check myself wouldn't be such a bad idea.

4. Write it before I speak it. Put it down in my journal, let it marinate for a while and the come back to it later...and usually I find I sound like a dumbass. This one's just simple self-preservation.

Anything else?

..The Capricious Devotee..