Monday, June 28, 2010
This last week brought the longest day of the year…the first day of summer. Not necessarily a new beginning, but a settling in of something. Summer is when existing things ripen.
People ripen too (I’m reclaiming the word) as hopefully with age and experience we become a deeper, richer, more satisfying version of ourselves. Given the right environment, nutrients and care, we gracefully transition from a hard, tasteless, unyielding object to something that can be appreciated, enjoyed and even loved.
This summer I turn 26 and I find myself with a lesson to learn, a lesson that will hopefully move me forward and closer the person/partner/parent/friend I am meant to be. It doesn’t feel good and, like the solstice, I know it will last a while, but I know that therein lays great potential for growth and ripening…so I suppose I’ll go with it (and quite frankly, there is nothing else to do but to go with it).
As much as I wish I could spell out this lesson in easy terms and/or create bullet points or timelines, I can’t…it’s messy. It is how I wrestle and work through this experience (ugh, it hurts) that will determine my outcome. It is the working through of competing and conflicting feelings as I try to reconcile my head, my heart, and my gut – and let me tell you, when these three don’t align, it sucks.
I hope that when the time comes when I can look up and realize I’ve made it out of this season, I will have something to show for it. Hopefully when I have made peace with myself, myself will be a better person – a wiser, more thoughtful, more loving, more discerning, more complete one. I hope that I will be a little closer to that riper version of me I am so looking forward to.