Monday, July 19, 2010
Apology Language? Yep, got one of 'em too...
"You have chosen Accepting Responsibility as your primary Apology Language. What you are looking for in an apology is maturity. You most want to hear the offending party say, I was wrong and I take responsibility for my actions."
So, so true. I hate apologies that include excuses or deflection and likewise, I don't make them. If you're in the wrong...own up full out. Period. Doesn't it just seem easier? Is that just what grown-ups do?
When it comes to apologizing, things will never be made right without a flat out acceptance of responsibility by the guilty party - whether it be me or them. So what is this all about?
1. It's about the ability to be honest with yourself
Excuses serve as an attempt to convince ourselves and others that we really didn't do anything wrong. Excuses are there to explain away bad behavior, not atone for it. Ick, if someone can't be even be honest when their mess is glaring, issues ensue - and rightly so.
2. It's about being secure enough with yourself to fess up to making a mistake
Owning up to a mistake or shortcoming requires admitting that you're not perfect. Nuff said...
3. It's about putting someone else before yourself
Deference is a lost art, sadly. Apologizing without excuses means that you understand that excuses won't cut it - that you comprehend the gravity of being careless or otherwise disrespectful to folks (particularly folks you care about). Like "I respect you so much I'm not even going to go there with the bullsh*t."
4. It's about demonstrating that one understands the error of their ways
Nothing is worse than dealing with a person that just doesn't get it, as they will be a repeat offender. It is just the truth that sometimes we all have erroneous ways and not understanding them is highly problematic. Owning up signals to the other party that you understand your wrongness and that they can trust that it won't happen again.