Monday, July 19, 2010

"Quality Time" = My Love Language

As a child, my mom was all about the "5 Love Languages." I thought it was all pretty cool, but whatever...I had better things to think about (like JTT and prairie dresses...don't ask).

But as an adult, I'm beginning to believe that understanding a little bit more about how I give and receive love is kind of important. So, I took the test and...(drumroll please)...

My love language is Quality Time. No duh. It's not gifts, or acts of service or physical touch or words of affirmation - it's time...

If I love you, like you, otherwise give a d*mn about you, I'm gonna want some time. With this time I can really care less what we're doing (smancy restaurant or a taco stand/vacationing through Europe or watching a playoff long as I'm with you, I'm good) and would prefer if you would stay off your phone while doing it. I recognize that I tend to judge relationships (romantic and otherwise) by how well we spend time doing nothing at all. The litmus test is this: if stuck in an elevator for 8 hours without any other diversion, could we have a good time?

So, time is good. However, if you eff up quality time, we are going to have problems. Absolutely nothing makes me more upset than someone who messes with my time. If it's planned and I think you're something special, it's guaranteed that I'm looking forward to it....maybe even excited about. Hence why being flaky with time is probably my pet peeve numereo uno.

Alternately, if I don't really like you I'm going to be hesitant to give you my time...but I digress.

I suppose understanding one's love language is good not just in that it allows you a better perspective of self, but it also helps to not project self onto others. Meaning: assuming that everyone else expresses love through quality time will only served to hurt my own feelings (like when someone gives me a gift, or a kind act, or a compliment instead of a one-on-one). While understanding doesn't negate the fact that I still need quality time in order to be fulfilled and happy in a relationship (and the fact that I will always be hurt most by time-related infractions), it will come in handy in being able to communicate my needs and understand the needs and expressions of the others.

So, take the test. What language do you speak?

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