26th Year on Earth

I'm now counting down to my 26th birthday. Pretty exciting stuff. Birthdays are not such a huge deal to me, but I am genuinely enjoying getting older. Twenty-six is just another step in the right direction - every year I'm growing wiser, more gracious, more thoughtful, less silly and more comfortable in my own skin. Realizing I have a long way to go until that Susan Taylor/Toni Morrison/Cicely Tyson hybrid I aspire to develop into (aimin' high...lol), I'll take every year I can get because I am still green and clumsy and at times, still careless and silly and insecure. So, as I'm thinking about my impending birthday how about deciding on some things to work on this 26th year on earth.

Here it goes (in no particular order):

1. Accepting my body for what it is...and isn't.

So, I'm not "thick" or curvaceous or perfect. And...? There are still some selling points. No one but me expects me to be perfect and that's just silly. As long as I am being kind to myself and treating me right, I should be happy with what I have and what I don't have.

2. Being less reactionary

I react strongly - sometimes too strongly - to nouns and verbs and adjectives (basically, a variety of things). I'm kind of an intense person that feels things viscerally and many times it's a great thing. When something is good, I can appreciate it for all it's worth...like a mountain-top view or a swim in the ocean or time with someone I care about or just a beautiful day. But when something feels bad, oh goodness...it really sucks and I react accordingly (according to my experience and not necessarily according to how I should react). This year, I am going to work on taking a deep breath, or two, or three, or thousands before acting - even if it seems simple in the moment, complexity reveals itself in time.

3. Budgeting better

There are lots of things that I want to do and do them, I'm gonna need a trust fund a rich husband budgeting skillz...
Developing a reasonable budget that allows me to do some of these things (traveling, investing, paying off debt) and also has me putting plenty aside for a rainy day is a necessity. Now that I have a big girl paycheck to work with, this is definitely a priority...

4. Being more sensitive

Surprise, surprise...I'm a Cancer so this supposedly shouldn't be hard. I should be the pinnacle of sensitivity and empathy, but alas, I've been known to not do such a good job at picking up on subtleties. Perhaps the truth is, as a defense mechanism, I don't assume anything that isn't explicit...meaning that if someone hasn't said it or expressly put it out there, it doesn't exist. However, sometimes some things (feelings, thoughts, etc...) really do exist and I need do a better job seeing them. Maybe this is as simple as trusting my intuition or allowing myself to presumptively empathize with another person. How about trading "beyond a shadow of a doubt" with "beyond a reasonable doubt"? That might be a good place to start.

That should be enough for one year, right?

On Being a PYT...

I usually date men older than myself. Not ridiculously older, but 4 to 7 years older (okay, maybe 9) is usually a good range. This is usually a good look because, at 25, I have significantly more substantive life experience than most women (and men) my age. I've lived on my own and away from family, raised a kid (this is an on-going project), gotten two degrees, etc...To boot, I'm pretty intelligent, have a above-average level of common sense and the ability to keenly interpret social cues. I know this. I am humble, but observant.**

[**I do know that because I am a woman, this will be perceived as arrogance. But hey...it is what it is]

Here's the problem with older men:
Older men tend to overlook or otherwise forget that you are actually a grown-ass woman and instead treat younger women like naive little PYTs without a clue what it's like out there in the big, bad "man's world." While I cannot argue that there are some naive little PYT's out there, it is both sexist and pompous to assume stupidity of any woman. C'mon gentlemen, we deserve at least the benefit of a doubt.

Yes, I know when you are running game. Yes, I've heard that before and no, I don't actually believe it, I'm just making you think I do. Ha, maybe I'm silent and smiling at you not because I'm dumbstruck by your superior intelligence and charm--maybe I'm laughing at you in my head. Maybe I'm not. Perhaps I'm just putting up with you when you decide to be "the boss" because I'm clever enough to know which battles are worth choosing, not because I couldn't back you down if wanted to. I could be biting my tongue because I don't want to hurt your feelings and not because I couldn't think of a good comeback. And yes, I picked up that innuendo, but I'd rather not have, so I'm ignoring it.

Etc...I will provide no more illustrations, lest I forfeit the advantageous pretense older men have afforded me.

Silly boys. I'm onto you...

Thoughts...

I don't like when I feel that I am not being taken seriously, but I hate feeling like I'm being taken too seriously.

There really isn't a significant difference between 25 and 30...

Music snobs annoy me...being one of 10 people listening a particular band/artist/genre does not, in itself, make you cool.

Sometimes I seriously doubt my own maturity level. I think I'm probably okay with that.

With regard to romantic relationships, I have no idea what I want other than a partnership that "fits." Should I have criteria? Should I make a list?

I have a hard time understanding people who voluntarily, and seemingly unnecessarily, put themselves on restrictive diets - I think I love food too much.

I think I should put on 5lbs.

Found the most perfect black leather clutch today at Urban Outfitters...On clearance for $10. Definitely a good investment.

I am really digging Nicki Minaj at the moment

I respond well to a healthy aggression.