Ben Harper's "Beloved One"

Crazy beautiful and truthful. I love...

I don't want to give you up either...Corinne Bailey Rae's "Closer"

*If only the lyrics to this song actually worked. Damn...smh

"Quality Time" = My Love Language

As a child, my mom was all about the "5 Love Languages." I thought it was all pretty cool, but whatever...I had better things to think about (like JTT and prairie dresses...don't ask).

But as an adult, I'm beginning to believe that understanding a little bit more about how I give and receive love is kind of important. So, I took the test and...(drumroll please)...

My love language is Quality Time. No duh. It's not gifts, or acts of service or physical touch or words of affirmation - it's time...

If I love you, like you, otherwise give a d*mn about you, I'm gonna want some time. With this time I can really care less what we're doing (smancy restaurant or a taco stand/vacationing through Europe or watching a playoff series...as long as I'm with you, I'm good) and would prefer if you would stay off your phone while doing it. I recognize that I tend to judge relationships (romantic and otherwise) by how well we spend time doing nothing at all. The litmus test is this: if stuck in an elevator for 8 hours without any other diversion, could we have a good time?

So, time is good. However, if you eff up quality time, we are going to have problems. Absolutely nothing makes me more upset than someone who messes with my time. If it's planned and I think you're something special, it's guaranteed that I'm looking forward to it....maybe even excited about. Hence why being flaky with time is probably my pet peeve numereo uno.

Alternately, if I don't really like you I'm going to be hesitant to give you my time...but I digress.

I suppose understanding one's love language is good not just in that it allows you a better perspective of self, but it also helps to not project self onto others. Meaning: assuming that everyone else expresses love through quality time will only served to hurt my own feelings (like when someone gives me a gift, or a kind act, or a compliment instead of a one-on-one). While understanding doesn't negate the fact that I still need quality time in order to be fulfilled and happy in a relationship (and the fact that I will always be hurt most by time-related infractions), it will come in handy in being able to communicate my needs and understand the needs and expressions of the others.

So, take the test. What language do you speak?

From Angela to Target: Mainstreamin' Natural

You can find most things in Target. It's the serious one stop shop, but haircare has always been tricky for us Black girls. While in recent years, Target (and other stores) have expanded their Black hair care options, a few months ago I was thrilled to run into an endcap displaying a variety of brands of hair products for natural, "ethnic" curly hair. Pretty spectacular.

When I began transitioning about 3 years ago, going natural was still considered a revolutionary event. For me (in the heyday of my grad school, Angela Davis, bell hooks Black feminist glory*), it was about decolonizing the self - rejecting the imposed standards of beauty that have more Black women than not slathering a concoction of unknown, probably carcinogenic chemicals onto our heads every six weeks. It just stopped making sense to keep spending money damaging and stripping layers off of my God-given hair in an effort to have my sh*t bounce around like a white girl - because well, I'm not a white girl...and I like it that way (no offense to white girls, I hope they like themselves too).

I grew out the chemicals, did the big chop and have never looked back...and I've never had to. For Black women, going natural has gone from counter-cultural to mainstream and lots of us are selling out. It's a beautiful thing.

With the help of some cool-chick celebs and some crazy good new hair care products for curly, Black girl hair (Kinky-Curly, Miss Jessie's, Hair Rules, DevaCurl), going natural is getting easier, as is should (being "natural" and all). Imagine: Black women loving ourselves and embracing our hair just the way it grows out of our scalps...(still)revolutionary indeed.

*Perhaps more of a subtle version of this self, it is still my essence...no doubt.
**I love Amel Larrieux's hair (in the pic above)...one day *sigh*

Good Energy & Affirmations

Positive self-affirmations are tough, especially to share. Why? Well, they are cheesy require the admission that you need them and they assert something about one’s self that we are at times unsure if anyone else believes – pretty much, they reveal insecurity. But really, we all have insecurities, which very from person to person but are inevitable. We are a human, we are vulnerable to self-doubt.

CurlyNikki (one of my favorite bloggers out there...natural hair guru and shrink) posted yesterday on affirmation and I thought I’d join in. I’m a space where I need as much good energy as possible…

My Affirmations for Friday, July 2nd, 2010

I am kind and enact goodness and positive energy

I am a loving and patient mother

I am loved by many amazing people

I am in the process of actively realizing my potential...and there's a lot of it

No, Lauryn...Let's not light this fire...

Lauryn Hill says she's coming back, to which I say.."DON'T!"

I lived, breathed, consumed her first (and only) solo album The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill - it saw me through my high school years, which kind of sucked. She was like the wise older sister I never had, mixed in with a dose of some old-womanish sagacity that even my grandmothers were too far removed from to impart. Her lyrics were taped all over my bedroom walls along with pictures of Maxwell and Nick Carter (much to my dad's horror...at the tape, not the words), written in journals and in notes to friends, and at that very ingenuous time in my life, they were powerful...

What you want might make you cry
What you need might pass you by
If you don't catch it,
If you don't catch it,
And what you need ironically
Will turn out what you want to be
If you just let it,

I still go back there sometimes and it's still true...

Truth also is that I need to remember her as the Lauryn in the photo above...Not the carnival-like (and I'm not talking west-Indian here folks, just the good ol'fashioned kind) creature we saw recently. Her and her music have cemented themselves as a meaningful part of a chapter in my life and have become static for lack of replication...which, in this case, is the way it is meant to be.

Please Lauryn, don't crush my soul and "come back" with incoherent silliness. Remain a legend and stay retired...No one cares that you only had one solo album, because it was legendary and we still appreciate it, we do. Stay in the burbs, raise your kids, work with a life coach...just no more music. Do it for you, do it for us.

See what happens when you mess with a lesser Marley...SMH.

Nikki Giovanni's "Resignations" Blows My Mind...

I love you
because the earth turns round the sun
because the North wind blows north
sometimes
because the Pope is Catholic
and most Rabbis Jewish
because winters flow into springs
and the air clears after a storm
because only my love for you
despite the charms of gravity
keeps me from falling off this Earth
into another dimension
I love you
because it is the natural order of things

I love you
like the habit I picked up in college
of sleeping through lectures
or saying I'm sorry
when I get stopped for speeding
because I drink a glass of water
in the morning
and chain-smoke cigarettes
all through the day
because I take my coffee Black
and my milk with chocolate
because you keep my feet warm
though my life a mess
I love you
because I don't want it
any other way.

I am helpless
in my love for you
It makes me so happy
to hear you call my name
I am amazed you can resist
locking me in an echo chamber
where your voice reverberates
through the four walls
sending me into spasmatic ecstasy
I love you
because it's been so good
for so long
that if I didn't love you
I'd have to be born again
and that is not a theological statement
I am pitiful in my love for you

The Dells tell me Love
is so simple
the thought though of you
sends indescribably delicious multitudinous
thrills throughout and through-in my body
I love you
because no two snowflakes are alike
and it is possible
if you stand tippy-toe
to walk between the raindrops
I love you
because I am afraid of the dark
and can't sleep in the light
because I rub my eyes
when I wake up in the morning
and find you there
because you with all your magic powers were
determined that
I should love you
because there was nothing for you but that
I would love you

I love you
because you made me
want to love you
more than I love my privacy
my freedom
my commitments
and responsibilities
I love you 'cause I changed my life
to love you
because you saw me one friday
afternoon and decided that I would
love you
I love you I love you I love you

-- Nikki Giovanni

Joyce Mansour: "I Opened Your Head"

One of my favorite poems...just in case you were interested. It's by Dada-Surrealist poet Joyce Mansour...

I opened your head
To read your thoughts
I devoured your eyes
To taste your sight
I drank your blood
To know your wants
And made of your shivering body
My nourishment...

Eidia Lush - Kinda like couture

Groupon is my new best friend.

In my inbox this morning was today's deal: 1/2 off custom made shoes from Eidia Lush. I'm pretty much in love with this concept.

I've been trying to find a pair of shoes that I actually like to match a dress I got a great deal on a few weeks ago. So far, I'd had no luck...Until today! When I designed a nifty pair (see above). So excited about this.

Check it out www.EidiaLush.com

I Heart Amos Lee

Amos Lee is playing a show in Annapolis...and it sold out immediately. No fair. But it reminded me just how much I love Amos Lee. I always forget and then have to remember. Also, I just read a post on TheRoot.com about White folks with Black cards and he was one of them - although I'm not convinced he's actually White. I dunno, but no matter.



If ya don't know, now you know.

Ode to Pilates'

I love Pilates'. It's great. I've been at it for about seven years and this month marks my two-year anniversary of teaching. I'm here at the Pilates' studio now, which is celebrating it's first birthday and thought it an appropriate time to reflect on it a bit in between clients.

Being the capricious creature I am, I have a hard time with commitment. I love commitment, in theory - but I'm easily distracted by things I find interesting...and I find pretty much everything interesting. However, every once in a while I stumble on something that I really do love - something I can stick with (I hope this is also true other areas of my life *wink*). Pilates' is one of those things.

There is something about Pilates' that is always interesting and always challenging. It is the kind of work (both as a teacher and physically, as a student) that meets me where I am. I am able to adjust my personal Pilates' work depending on how I am feeling at that moment - which suits me well.

Being able to see growth or progress is important to keeping my attention. Understanding the dynamic state of something means that the something is never really the same. With Pilates' I am always able to see my own growth - even how much stronger I am after practicing consisting for a week after a few weeks hiatus or bout of inconsistent practice. Thus, neither my practice nor my body is static.

So, I've formed a deep and lastly love affair with Pilates' and I am utterly convinced that at 75, it will still be my workout of choice...and there will still be things to learn.

Yes Please: The Fascinator

Oh my. I love this hat. I love the veil. I think I could pull it off. Yeah?

From Etsy.com