The Best Things

Maybe the best things in life aren't things...but here some of the best things!

1. Kink Curly Curling Custard

Because there are so many new natural hair products out there for women of color, I'm always cheating on this stuff. But, like a lame-ass dude, I always come back. It really is the greatest styling product for curly hair...the bestest (Nicki Minaj voice)

2. Vegetarian Nachos...

In order of assembly: Tortilla chips, refried black beans, shredded cheese, sautéed mushrooms and spinach (these are the most important parts!), fresh tomato salsa (refrigerated section of the grocery store...yeah, the one with the expiration date), sour cream...

It's good - trust.

3. Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle Body Wash & Unscented Moisturizing Cream

Both are really pretty fantastic and cheap - $3.99 each, I think. The bodywash leaves you feeling so fresh and so clean, but not squeak-like. The lotion is thick, but not greasy and lasts all day (but has it's hard to get the last 1/4 out of the bottle)...but that's workable.

4. Jam Jar Sweet Shiraz (Wine...)

I love shiraz and I love sweet wine...BONUS! A really yummy sweet shiraz...and it comes in a cool bottle...and it's a twist-off! Easy access.

5. Janelle Monae!

Um, yeah...she's awesome (girl crushing....). She's gorgeous. She can really sing. She dresses androgynous. She's got great hair. 'nuff said...

On letting go and making room for good things...

So, I unexpectedly find myself with a really good thing...actually, a really great thing.

I went somewhere random on a whim and engaged in a conversation just for the fun of it really and the rest is well...just what it is - goodness.

It was the day after this whimsical experience that I let something go, not to replace it with something else, but because I simply recognized that something had to give, even if there wasn't anything at all to fill the space left behind. But, you see, I had to release the one to experience the other, it was just the way of things. It didn't feel good at the time and was actually horrible and frightening and sad, but it opened up the space needed for what was to come next.

Some things just aren't good. Some things are painful and uncomfortable (not in a productive way) and ambiguous and other not good things that are bound to eventually outweigh any goodness that might be in them. We hold on to and sometimes even hoard these things (people, relationships, feelings, thoughts, etc...) for all sorts of different reasons that I won't speculate on here, but I'm a believer that we shouldn't. When something isn't good (or at least mostly good), let it go.

Let it go and make room for those good things that might come unexpectedly or in time or tomorrow or with patience and hope...I dunno. Just make sure that when a good thing comes to you, you are not too cluttered to receive it.

I don't want to give you up either...Corinne Bailey Rae's "Closer"

*If only the lyrics to this song actually worked. Damn...smh

"Quality Time" = My Love Language

As a child, my mom was all about the "5 Love Languages." I thought it was all pretty cool, but whatever...I had better things to think about (like JTT and prairie dresses...don't ask).

But as an adult, I'm beginning to believe that understanding a little bit more about how I give and receive love is kind of important. So, I took the test and...(drumroll please)...

My love language is Quality Time. No duh. It's not gifts, or acts of service or physical touch or words of affirmation - it's time...

If I love you, like you, otherwise give a d*mn about you, I'm gonna want some time. With this time I can really care less what we're doing (smancy restaurant or a taco stand/vacationing through Europe or watching a playoff series...as long as I'm with you, I'm good) and would prefer if you would stay off your phone while doing it. I recognize that I tend to judge relationships (romantic and otherwise) by how well we spend time doing nothing at all. The litmus test is this: if stuck in an elevator for 8 hours without any other diversion, could we have a good time?

So, time is good. However, if you eff up quality time, we are going to have problems. Absolutely nothing makes me more upset than someone who messes with my time. If it's planned and I think you're something special, it's guaranteed that I'm looking forward to it....maybe even excited about. Hence why being flaky with time is probably my pet peeve numereo uno.

Alternately, if I don't really like you I'm going to be hesitant to give you my time...but I digress.

I suppose understanding one's love language is good not just in that it allows you a better perspective of self, but it also helps to not project self onto others. Meaning: assuming that everyone else expresses love through quality time will only served to hurt my own feelings (like when someone gives me a gift, or a kind act, or a compliment instead of a one-on-one). While understanding doesn't negate the fact that I still need quality time in order to be fulfilled and happy in a relationship (and the fact that I will always be hurt most by time-related infractions), it will come in handy in being able to communicate my needs and understand the needs and expressions of the others.

So, take the test. What language do you speak?

Ear Candy: Esperanza Spalding

Work was crazy and the day flew by...without much time for ponderin'.

But who needs that today...? How about some good music. My little sis posted a video from Esperanza Spalding on my Facebook wall the other day and I kind of dig her.

Plus, she's got cool hair and I'm partial to chicks with cool hair...

Summertime Readin' and such...

How about this: I don't care where LeBron is going...

Wait for it...

I didn't implode.

Basketball is real cool and all, and I like to watch it, but c'mon folks...is it really all that serious? I suppose so.

Anyway, that had nothing to do with what I wanted to write about...I just kind of wanted to put it out there since all of the world is tuned in to ESPN breathlessly awaiting the announcement. SMH

Books! Let's talk about those. It's summer time and summer time should always include books. Regardless of the fact that jobs are year-around, reading is a summer staple so I'm making a list. What to read this summer?

Isabel Allende's Island Beneath the Sea
I really, really love Allende. She's a magnificent storyteller. I've actually already read this one (like three weeks ago), but I'm gonna re-read it this summer because it was such good stuff. Set in 19th century Haiti, this story was epic but subtle....and fascinating.

Helena Andrews' Bitch is the New Black
There has been so much hype around this book, I'm gonna have to check it out. Plus, it got a great review from Sista Toldja (who is a VSS, if I may say so) I'm kind of excited about this one...might be my weekend splurge. I'm a 20-something Black, single professional in DC - I think I owe it to myself.

Toni Morrison's Paradise

...because I'm working my way through her collection and am more than half way done!

Ntozake Shange's Liliane

I've at this one for forever, but have never actually read it. It's about time I did.

A. Breeze Harper's Sistah Vegan

This pick is a nod to all of my vegan folks who try their best not to look disgusted when I order a formerly living thing in front of them. I really love meat, I do. But maybe I shouldn't. For the sake of intellectual honesty, I'm going to entertain this argument.

That's a pretty decent start, eh?

What are you reading?

My Mind's Gone to Costa Rica...

I'm feeling quite "blah" this afternoon. It's 95 degrees here in the Chocolate City and we're melting (particularly after three days of over 100 degree suffocation). Needless to say, my mind has wandered elsewhere and it's not coming back before 5pm. What am I thinking about? I'm thinking that I really want to go Costa Rica in October. Sure it's still the rainy season there, but I can deal with that because it's inexpensive. From afar, it appears that Costa Rica has the two things I really, really like - forests and beaches - so I'm down. Hmmm...let the plotting begin.


P.S. I really wish folks would stop Ccing me on all of their emails.

South Carolina and back again...on oceans and red dirt and stories

I randomly took a road trip this weekend and ended up in South Carolina. I enjoyed South Carolina much more than I thought I would - there was something about it that I found very appealing. If I ever decide to opt out of the rat race that is big-city livin' and take up some artsy, bohemian profession, I think I'll move there.

Here are my thoughts, for what they are worth:

1. Contrary to what I had previously believed, the Atlantic ocean is much warmer and more pleasant than the Pacific - making swimming plausible and actually enjoyable. This allows one the realization that there is something crazy delightful about ocean water.

2. The Southern folks on South Carolinian beaches are there for the experience and not to peacock around...they cannot be accused of vanity, which is a beautiful thing. Vanity, thy name is Californian.

3. The contrast of the rich green foliage and brick red dirt is splendid in a way that makes me want to live in a little white house in between.

4. People's stories are important and I heard a few of them: A biker on his fifth wife (who happened to have a tumor) was going to be cooking out for the 4th with his too-grown daughter and grandchildren. A displaced Southern housewife who hadn't had a vacation in years and dreamed of getting in the car and driving to who-knows-where. An seasoned jazz player and official South Carolinian ambassador of jazz who was helping to raise the baby grandson of his high school sweetheart - all after a full life of military traveling, teaching and music. They all had stories to tell and they told them.

In our busy lives in big cities, we minimize our stories in lieu of showcasing our status. Most of us urbanites would be mortified to expel our life story to a stranger upon introduction and are generally annoyed when others subject us to theirs. Instead, we'd rather ask and tell about jobs and titles and schools attended and vacations taken and neighborhoods lived in and all of the other things that really don't speak to who we are (only what we have or haven't accomplished).

So, what if we did the opposite? As the culmination of our experiences, our stories make us who we are - they are valid and significant simply because they are lived. Our stories are precious possessions that should be cherished and reflected on and shared and when we diminish our stories we are doing nothing short of diminishing the beautiful stuff about ourselves...and we can't have that.

So, what's your story?

"You're not the boss of me...oh, well...yes you are": On why we should pay attention to political campaigns

I work for an organization that works to get women to run for, and then get elected to public office. Why? Because equal representation is important in a democracy and we should be moving closer towards this goal all the time.

Right now there are quite a few outstanding women (and men) candidates in really tough races - races that will take the participation of their future constituents to win. But there's the rub: it's really effing hard to get everyday people interested in lower-level political races. While everyone turns out during the Presidential election year, it's tough as undercooked chuck to get folks' attention in the interim.

So, here's my argument as to why paying attention to who is running in your district (Senate, House, state legislative, etc...):

Wait, I don't even need bullet points for this because it's pretty damn simple.

THE PEOPLE THAT WE ELECT (via our vote, or our non-participation) GET TO MAKE DECISIONS ABOUT OUR LIVES.

When it's all said and done, you will be subject to these lawmakers' and law enforcers' conclusions, so we'd better make sure we fight the good fight to ensure that our voice is heard.

I know, I know. General election day is months away, but there are still some primarys to be won and none of the races are finished. Check out these candidates and then do something (give money, volunteer, learn more, spread the word, etc...):

Jennifer Brunner of Ohio for U.S. Senate

Robin Kelly of Illinois for State Treasurer

Kamala Harris of California for Attorney General

Terri Sewell of Alabama for U.S. Congress

Little Dragon

Went to this show last week. Good show, good sounds...me thinks I like.

Distractions & Shiny Things

I haven't blogged in a while because, well, life's been distracting. Not necessarily any busier than usual, just more distracting. Damn, it's all of those little things that clog my brain and make writing much more difficult than it should be. Where to begin? Well, let's start with last night...

So, yesterday I had a pretty great day. Spend the earlier part of it walking and brunching while in good conversation with the One I Like Best. This pretty much started my day off right and I felt no need to go out into the world and expand on it. I essentially spent the rest of the day sitting on my loveseat streaming indie romances on Netflix. It was a good time and around 11pm I decided to call it a night. Jump in the shower and when I jumped out I noticed that, in the meantime, a little facebook chat box had popped up from no other than the One I Was Once Infatuated With. (Brief note: This infatuation was short lived as it quickly became apparent that while we had great friend chemistry, there was no "spark".) We chatted for a bit and decided to hang out because that's what we do...we hang out. And this usually feels just like "hanging out." But it got kind of weird a half hour in when it really began feeling like a "date"...for some reason, there was chemistry, maybe even a little "spark". Eeek...this could be a problem. Or could have been a problem if I hadn't woken up this morning and realized that I kind of missed and really wanted to talk to the One I Like Best.

Indeed, perhaps I have passed the test: When presented with a exceptionally attractive man shiny object, momentary distraction is acceptable. But when your head snaps right back to the prize...well, maybe you've got something good.

Just Say "No" to Friending...

I am not Facebook friends with the guy I've been dating for the last 3.5 months. I like it this way, for many reasons. Earlier today we briefly discussed, in passing, the possibility of us becoming Facebook friends...but the more I think about this, the less keen I am on it. After further reflection, I'd argue that refraining from "friending" a potential is probably one of the most savvy and radical things a dater can do here in the year 2010. Here's my argument against it:

1. A relationship that exists entirely in real-time.

I am getting to know him face-to-face and everything I am learning, I am doing so through our conversations/interactions...not Wall hearsay or tagged photos from the 11th grade. If I am curious about his favorite book, movie or quote, I have to actually ask him. This can sometimes be inconvenient, but delayed gratification builds character.

2. Facebook stalking becomes intensely difficult, if not impossible.

**I'm not necessarily saying I would ever think to do this...(cough)**

I don't need to know his every cyber-move, know which events he has RSVPd for, or view his tagged pictures from evenings out not spent together. These things are none of either of our business until they actually are (which is till TBA).

3. The whole Facebook "Relationship Status" controversy and/or awkwardness stays irrelevant.

Whoever thought of this feature apparently did not think it all the way through. Relationship status changes make for seriously uncomfortable breakups and mawkish public displays of cyber affection that we could all live without.

4.***Okay, I'll admit to this one too: So, I'm a bit of a Facebook whore.

It could be a little embarrassing for him to find out how often I update my status...I mean, I don't really care all that much. But still.

What's your take?