Re: Intention

Tonight during yoga, the teacher prompted us to set our intentions as we began our practice. Yoga teachers always do this and usually my intention is simply to stay present, as this is usually enough of a challenge--as before-mentioned, I am easily distracted. Tonight, however, I thought I'd try something a little different. So tonight I set my intention a little broader.

As briefly discussed in my previous post, I'm working on ridding myself of some shiny objects. I'm working on perhaps making a decision about what it is that I want and then I'm working on being intentional about making that thing work. (Okay, so maybe I might already know what I want...but I digress). Tonight I set the intention to learn how to care. Not to care about someone, but to really care for someone.

Although I've perhaps have been waiting around for this "care" to develop on its own--magically burgeoning out of daisies and two-buck Chuck--I'm beginning to realize that it will probably may require intention. So, what does it mean to care for someone? To be selfless and vulnerable? [Insert laden silence as we wait for our answer]...

Geez, I dunno. But I'm working on it.

Why? Well, because it might be worth it and in all, it is the only kind of relationship I can see myself in the long run.

Distractions & Shiny Things

I haven't blogged in a while because, well, life's been distracting. Not necessarily any busier than usual, just more distracting. Damn, it's all of those little things that clog my brain and make writing much more difficult than it should be. Where to begin? Well, let's start with last night...

So, yesterday I had a pretty great day. Spend the earlier part of it walking and brunching while in good conversation with the One I Like Best. This pretty much started my day off right and I felt no need to go out into the world and expand on it. I essentially spent the rest of the day sitting on my loveseat streaming indie romances on Netflix. It was a good time and around 11pm I decided to call it a night. Jump in the shower and when I jumped out I noticed that, in the meantime, a little facebook chat box had popped up from no other than the One I Was Once Infatuated With. (Brief note: This infatuation was short lived as it quickly became apparent that while we had great friend chemistry, there was no "spark".) We chatted for a bit and decided to hang out because that's what we do...we hang out. And this usually feels just like "hanging out." But it got kind of weird a half hour in when it really began feeling like a "date"...for some reason, there was chemistry, maybe even a little "spark". Eeek...this could be a problem. Or could have been a problem if I hadn't woken up this morning and realized that I kind of missed and really wanted to talk to the One I Like Best.

Indeed, perhaps I have passed the test: When presented with a exceptionally attractive man shiny object, momentary distraction is acceptable. But when your head snaps right back to the prize...well, maybe you've got something good.

Joyce Mansour: "I Opened Your Head"

One of my favorite poems...just in case you were interested. It's by Dada-Surrealist poet Joyce Mansour...

I opened your head
To read your thoughts
I devoured your eyes
To taste your sight
I drank your blood
To know your wants
And made of your shivering body
My nourishment...

On grand gestures the little things...

I am different. Perhaps a little bit off. But I appreciate the nuances of life more than those obvious delights. I live in a city and own a car, but I'd rather walk as to not miss those unique smells, sounds and sights of city life - those things that you can only experience on the ground. My neighborhood often smells like fried chicken, apparently loves Juanes and there is regular pattern of barber and shops liquor stores all down the block - but I would never observe these things from my car.

My point is that it is the compilation of all of those little things that allow me to enjoy it all. The grander things are great, but I'm of the persuasion that is not, nor should be how we experience our happiness. For this reason I am not a grand gesture kind of girl. To me, grand gestures are always too gaudy and performative and make me uncomfortable because, although they could be genuine, they are rarely organic. Grand gestures are akin to running errands in a car - while you get the experience of getting in and out of the car, you do not get benefit of the subtleties the path had to offer. And the path is where it's all at...aren't real relationships made up of those everyday experiences that we participate in within our interpersonal spaces? Isn't it those scents, sounds, feelings, words and remembrances that make the experience of being with someone else fulfilling?

Shouldn't our relationships be great just because...for no particular reason, but for a myriad of little reasons that add to something sorta remarkable. I think so.

Rufus & Chaka Khan "Sweet Thing"

Chaka is fierce and this song is one of the greatest ever....and I want that red dress.

The Question

Today I asked a question that needed to be asked.

It is a question that I have not felt the need to ask until today - sitting on the bus. At that moment I needed to know and so, rather than speculate about the answer, I asked. But I asked via email, which means I probably won't get an answer until tomorrow...

So, until then I have plenty of time to think about what it was that I asked and what I am going to do with the answer. So, here are my thoughts so far:

The question took a level of comfortability that surprised me. I'm thinking that the fact that I felt secure enough to ask it is a good thing. It means that I've develop enough of a relationship with this person to feel I had the liberty to ask it.

If I was less secure with it all I would probably be anxious about the answer - which, interestingly enough, I am not. Curious, yes. But I'm feeling okay with whatever it is that I hear back tomorrow...even if it isn't what I want to hear, I feel like it will be good to know and that I could deal with it.

Whatever it is that I receive in return, I believe I will have the truth and I can work with that. In knowing where I stand I will be able to chart the course that I am unable to make out right now.

The bottom line is that I have thrown part of myself out there into the universe and I hope it is kind to me.

What the Stars said on Friday....

You're not in a relationship with this person. Then again, you're not not in a relationship either. Everything's topsy-turvy in this situation. Don't be so hasty to define it. You lose a lot of possibilities that way.

So, that was today's relationship horoscope and it was pretty right on.

I've been debating whether or not to initiate a sober DTR convo with the current "constant" and I think I've got my answer for now. Interestingly enough, I've been leaning this way this last week after realizing that the DTR would possibly severely limit my options - which I enjoy having. It's not that I'm opposed to commitment or that I'm not smitten by this person--I both like him and the idea of starting a new and defined relationship with him--I'm not sold...yet.

I will exercise patience, as it is a virtue and all.

Eidia Lush - Kinda like couture

Groupon is my new best friend.

In my inbox this morning was today's deal: 1/2 off custom made shoes from Eidia Lush. I'm pretty much in love with this concept.

I've been trying to find a pair of shoes that I actually like to match a dress I got a great deal on a few weeks ago. So far, I'd had no luck...Until today! When I designed a nifty pair (see above). So excited about this.

Check it out www.EidiaLush.com

Just Say "No" to Friending...

I am not Facebook friends with the guy I've been dating for the last 3.5 months. I like it this way, for many reasons. Earlier today we briefly discussed, in passing, the possibility of us becoming Facebook friends...but the more I think about this, the less keen I am on it. After further reflection, I'd argue that refraining from "friending" a potential is probably one of the most savvy and radical things a dater can do here in the year 2010. Here's my argument against it:

1. A relationship that exists entirely in real-time.

I am getting to know him face-to-face and everything I am learning, I am doing so through our conversations/interactions...not Wall hearsay or tagged photos from the 11th grade. If I am curious about his favorite book, movie or quote, I have to actually ask him. This can sometimes be inconvenient, but delayed gratification builds character.

2. Facebook stalking becomes intensely difficult, if not impossible.

**I'm not necessarily saying I would ever think to do this...(cough)**

I don't need to know his every cyber-move, know which events he has RSVPd for, or view his tagged pictures from evenings out not spent together. These things are none of either of our business until they actually are (which is till TBA).

3. The whole Facebook "Relationship Status" controversy and/or awkwardness stays irrelevant.

Whoever thought of this feature apparently did not think it all the way through. Relationship status changes make for seriously uncomfortable breakups and mawkish public displays of cyber affection that we could all live without.

4.***Okay, I'll admit to this one too: So, I'm a bit of a Facebook whore.

It could be a little embarrassing for him to find out how often I update my status...I mean, I don't really care all that much. But still.

What's your take?

I Heart Amos Lee

Amos Lee is playing a show in Annapolis...and it sold out immediately. No fair. But it reminded me just how much I love Amos Lee. I always forget and then have to remember. Also, I just read a post on TheRoot.com about White folks with Black cards and he was one of them - although I'm not convinced he's actually White. I dunno, but no matter.



If ya don't know, now you know.